Thursday, August 05, 2004

The Worst Streets In North America

Here are the basic criteria for inclusion in the list of Worst Streets:

1. The right of way has to be extremely wide. The minimum is 4 lanes with a center turn lane, but wider is better (or actually worse).
2. There must be signs everywhere of different types and sizes, tall ones, short ones, flashing ones, etc.
3. There must be huge parking lots in front of the stores. It helps to have weeds, chain-link fences and dumpsters prominently featured.
4. The stores themselves must be cheaply built single-story buildings resembling shoeboxes or refrigerator boxes. An occasional two or three story building is allowed.
5. No greenery, other than weeds and retention ponds, is allowed unless it is poorly kept up.
6. No sidewalks are allowed unless they are right next to the road where cars are going at least 45 miles per hour.
7. Special bonus for huge intersections with double turn lanes and traffic lights with two minute waits on red.